Why giving up photography was the best decision I ever made.
I’m naturally a thoughtful and introverted person. I thrive when using my imagination and when I am with my family. I feel safe in the countryside or at home… and I genuinely don’t like being anywhere else other than this (apart from bootfairs).
After Rufus was born I began striving for something, wanting to take the things I loved and make them into a career. A career where I could work from home to be with my darling son. (Sound familiar?) However, it didn’t work out very well at all because I was stressed, overly judgemental and harsh on myself. I was continually forcing myself into anxiety inducing photography jobs and it was making me unhappy.
Whilst surrounded by an abundance of beautiful art and design from all over the planet, I used to feel sick with myself for having the audacity to think I could even compare to anyone. I turned all that beauty into a thing of negativity. It got exhausting and it was at that point I quit photography as a business option. It was the best decision I have ever made, a weight was immediately lifted from my weary shoulders and I woke up to life again. Because photography has always been my gift to myself, where I focus and my mind is at ease, but the rest of it proffesionally…ekkk no thanks.
I used to say that it was part of the creative journey but then I realised I was fooling myself. It’s not. To create from the heart and to always come from a place of good and love, that is my creative journey. I practice mindfulness and as a psychology graduate I am very aware of the need to look after my mental health.
The countryside always makes me feel at peace and free. I am going to spend some time there for a while, and who knows? Maybe one day I will be confident enough to pick up my camera again.
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